Colour My Life

I'm a colourful person, I like bright, lively things. My home definitely expresses this. I don't know how people can live in homes with no colour, no personality. My home is where my true whimsy expresses itself... where pigs can fly!

I simply can't feel at home without being surrounded by colour. It's comforting, all the little details, all the colours and shapes and textures. I fill my home with the things I desire, the things that bring me joy, and things that hold dear memories.

This kind of living is another large reason why I don't share a home with anyone else. Most people I've met live in these depressing, bland places devoid of any sort of real personal touches. It makes me lonely to be someplace dominated by bare walls and emptiness. I keep hoping someday I'll maybe find a trustworthy, hygienic hippie friend with whom I could make a home. But until then, I live in this kaleidoscopic wonderland with just my thoughts as company.

Winter Quiet

I'm not a fan of winter, but I can't deny its harsh beauty, especially in the deep country. There's just something about that quiet hush, when everything is covered in a thick layer of snow. It's like the world is sleeping, and my soul calms itself a little. The only sounds are the snow crunching under my feet and the occasional muffled whump when a branch sheds itself of a snowy burden somewhere in the thick of the forest.

Winter just makes me yearn for a log cabin somewhere deep in the woods. Someplace I can tuck away during the snowy months, and enjoy peace and rest. Someday I hope to achieve something like that, even if it has to be by myself. At the age of twenty five now, it's painfully obvious to me that I'm the odd one. Not ever having a serious relationship as an adult weighs on me at times, but I'm resigned to it now.

I'm at a point in my life where it feels like I'm not ever going to have a real adult relationship. While I know that pretty much anybody who goes a while without a loving partner follows this train of thought at some time or other, I really believe it. I don't know how to do it.  I'm not even very good at friendships, to be honest, so the idea of somehow managing to find, build and maintain a romantic loving relationship just seems completely impossible to me. I'm sailing the sea of life alone, but I've always been independent from lack of any other option. This in turn created a cycle of individual existence from which I can't break free. I'm out of strength to fight the current, and I'm just going to be swept out with the tide. But that's alright... the lonely open ocean doesn't frighten me.