It happened instantly. One second, everything was fine. The next the world was spinning around me as my vehicle slid in circles. Blood rushed hot in my veins as I lifted my foot from the gas pedal and did my best to steer away from hazards. I watched the snowy landscape flash past in my headlight beams, praying all the while that I wouldn't fly into a light post or a deep ditch or another vehicle.
That there was no one driving towards me, and no one close behind, is something for which I am deeply grateful. My van eventually slowed and skidded into a fat snowbank on the side of the highway. I was able to just drive right out and come home. But it could have been so very, very different. I could have died.
That's something of which I've always been conscious. It only takes a split second, a chance happening, and a life is snuffed out, or destroyed forever. As I gripped my steering wheel and did my best to control my runaway vehicle, I had an image flash back to me.
A few weeks ago I was driving to school one morning and passed a truck being pulled from the ditch. It had rolled, at least once, as it went over. The cab and the hood were crumpled and crushed, as if a giant fist had smashed down on it in anger. I could picture my own van, upside down in a ditch, lights muffled in the snow. Injured and bleeding out. And no one would know I was there.
I know still that I could go out today, and that could happen again. And it might not go as well as it did last night. I could let fear cripple me. Some people can never drive again, after being in an accident. But I can't live like that. My eyes were forced open again, to reality. I can just hope that I make the most of it, that I don't let good things pass me by for fear. I've lived in fear of so many things for too long. It's time to stop that. Because do I really want to die, having been too afraid to go out and get the things I want? Hell no. I'm still afraid though, of all the stupid little things. Even after all that.
A year ago, I was afraid. Afraid of what might be, and what might not. I had big decisions to make. Eventually, I pushed that fear aside and took the plunge. And now here I am, so grateful and happy that I did. It's time I get to know that brave woman again, find out why I let her slip away. I could have died. And that brave woman would not be happy with me for how I've been living. I could have died.
So there's no sense living paralyzed in fear, because that's next to death. But I am alive! No more sleep-walking through life. No more fear. I have a gift, we all do, and there's no sense in wasting it. Cheers...